Some children from the moment of birth pay attention only to the negative aspects of life. In their temperament, they are not immediately interested in what is happening, the new situation makes them awkward and doubtful, they do not dare to do something for the first time. Many resort to a negative position: “I can’t, I don’t want, I won’t” to avoid everything that makes them worry or feel fear.
Regardless of whether it is a born-in attitude or acquired, children with a negative outlook on life can get considerable benefits for themselves if their self-confidence increases. Here are some suggestions that may help you get started.
Pay attention to what interests the child. Try to find out what arouses his interest or what gives him the opportunity to be satisfied with himself, especially if he himself does not notice it. Pay attention to his good mood. It is likely that at these moments the child is passionate about something and feels confident. Once he has a sense of self-confidence, you can convince him to try something else.
Observe and listen to what interests and attracts your child. For example, if he is watching the karate championship without stopping, it may be worth taking him to the nearest karate school, "just to watch." You will have to drop in several times before enrolling him in school, but by this time he may ask you to do so.
Often a child is more willing to try something if he knows that at any time he can abandon this activity if he wishes. You simply offer him: "Try for a short time, say, for ten to fifteen minutes." Often, children who do something start to realize that they really like it. However, children with a negative outlook on life want to know that they have a solution from the very beginning and that the new activity is not necessarily permanent and limited by a certain time frame.
Give him support. Instead of reproaching the child for his negative position, convince him to share with you his impressions of why he feels so, what causes his behavior. Listen to the story of his feelings, show concern and calmness, encourage and support him, encouraging the desire to move forward. Tell him something like: “Let's wait another week and then see how you feel.” Even if the children do not like any activity, they may be satisfied that they have completed the job.
May you have an hour of family revelation. This will be the time during which you will tell the child about how you once did not want to run in the relay because you were the shortest of the whole class, or how you were desperately afraid of the math exam. Children have a misconception that their parents are ideal people, so they need to see that you had the same problems, fears and mistakes. It’s good for children to know that the “terrible things” that happen to them happened to other people as well. Laugh at it. It’s useful to laugh at your own mistakes, so that your child also learns to laugh at his own. Laughter is often the best cure for a negative attitude toward life caused by fear. If we stop taking ourselves too seriously, our children will realize that they too can make mistakes, laugh at them, then gather their strength and continue to live.
Record cases of negative behavior. Whenever your child is negative about something, write down what happened and what happened around you at that time. This will help you identify the reason that caused this position of the child.
Use the secret signal. For example, raising your thumb or joining your thumb and forefinger into a ring meaning “okay” when you notice that your child is positive about something. This solves two problems. Firstly, this is a simple, inconspicuous way for others to show your child that you are proud of his behavior, and secondly, it will help you learn more about your own child from what you did not know before.
Do not resort to stamps. The surest way to ensure that your child remains in a negative position is to give him a stamp. Most of us follow the principle: "If you call me that, then I will be so." If they tell me that I have a bad attitude towards my surroundings, but I like this attitude, then I will continue to have a negative attitude towards life. In relations with children, focusing on positive aspects is much more effective.
Develop initiative in the child. In a child spoiled by excessive kindness or good promises, the head does not have its own thoughts. Such a child lacks initiative. If he does not oppose everything good, then until the end of his life he will fulfill someone else's will - he will be a servant, a puppet, a household item. He may be very intelligent, but without an order his mind will not come into action. He becomes a laughing stock for fools, who, nevertheless, have a "pot of cooking." Such a child is an outcast in children's and teenage companies. It is exploited, made a performer of dirty work. If he is dragged into a crime, his situation becomes hopeless, and out of fear of prison he will be forced to remain in the company in the future. He can not see mercy either from his parents, or from the company, or from society. All demand from him only what is revered by them for the good.
And yet, why are soandered children so easily influenced by companies? Because the company does not grumble, do not itch and do not whine, unlike the family. Do not eat the soul. The company responsibilities are strictly distributed, and everyone should be responsible for their area of work. He who dodges responsibility awaits severe but just punishment. This is incomparable with the constant nit-picking of parents and caregivers. A person, and especially a child, needs concreteness in the execution of a case. Not so - do it and it will be good. Work is work. It either needs to be done, or there is a need for it. And in that, and in another case, it is impossible to arrange things so that someone from this will feel good or someone from this will become better. Whether someone will feel good or someone else will be better depends on the person himself, and not on the actions of his neighbor.
A non-initiating child needs an order and is waiting for him. However, an internal protest immediately arises in the child, because the order indirectly indicates its inferiority. Parents who want to be good, living in the name of home peace and trying to do everything so that the child does not cry, receive an increasingly fierce rebuff. They are embarrassed and frustrated when they try to give the child freedom of action, telling him: “Do as you think is right,” which makes the child only annoyed. “Do it!” Sounds like an order to him, but he does not know how to do it right. After all, he was always prompted by parents, educators and teachers. The problem is compounded for both sides.
For non-initiative parents, a non-initiative child causes a lot of trouble, because they cannot manage with themselves. There is no concreteness in them - their desires are focused on a vaguely good goal. Since the child experiences parental qualities, being a severe examiner, they should not hope for anything good in their relationship with the child until they begin to work on themselves and understand themselves.
Many parents who devoted all their energies to upbringing, having felt the incorrectness of their methods, unequivocally decide to act differently. And once, when they ask a child’s question, they ask a counterclaim: “What do you think?” And what can a child think, for which parents have decided everything so far? Previously, executing an order, the child proved that he was good, but now all of a sudden this opportunity was taken from him without any explanation. Frightened, he bristles instantly more seriously than ever, and all because parents did not consider that all innovations should be introduced gradually. Let your child get used to the new. First of all, learn to think for yourself, and only then teach this child.
Parents - and their mental ability is paralyzed by a sense of responsibility - do not realize that the child is an increased mirror image of themselves. They are also thoughtless executors of someone else's will, their mental ability is even more paralyzed by a sense of duty than a child. But no matter what problems you have, this does not mean that the situation cannot be corrected.
Gradually, you will learn to give him the opportunity to choose calmly and naturally. You will not lose peace in the event that the child makes the wrong choice, as he knows that this step will serve only as a lesson. It would never occur to you to gloat and emphasize your superiority over a child, because you will recall your own mistakes made at his age.
1. Exercise more
Exercise promotes the release of endorphins, so a workout or just a shopping trip will delight you. I have never met a person in a bad mood after training.
But where is the scientific evidence? The University of Toronto has done a great job on this subject by analyzing at least 25 studies that have shown that physical activity helps keep depression at bay.
I know a good study where three groups of people with depression were offered antidepressants, exercise, or a combination of the two. It is easy to guess that all three groups have become happier, but for how long?
Six months later, the group, which was engaged only in exercises, had only 9% of relapses. In the other two groups, the relapse rate increased from 31% to 38%, about a third of them are now again depressed.
2. Positive thinking affects your productivity.
Sounds like a crane in the sky? If you know the factors that influence our happiness, such as stress, trouble, success, economic conditions, relationships, and so on, then you can predict only 10% of long-term happiness. The remaining 90% depends on how you perceive the world around you.
Positive thinking increases activity, creativity and productivity by as much as 30%. The secret is to use positive thinking now, not when you get rich and become famous.
3. Your negative thoughts are rubbish!
Some people are completely absorbed in their experiences, which are difficult for them to get rid of. A study at the University of Madrid proved that writing negative thoughts on paper and then throwing them away makes it easier. Written can also be torn or burned. Only psychologists advise doing this regularly.
4. Your knowledge is more important than your achievements.
Thomas Gilovich, a psychologist at Cornell University, in the course of his research, revealed many reasons why knowledge and pleasant experiences are more important than the things that we acquire. He published the findings in the journal Personality and Social Psychology.
The first pleasant impression of buying a new car, TV or computer can quickly disappear when you look at their new versions. Knowledge and experience are more durable. They belong to us, are special and can extend our happiness.
And you also need to strive to visit new places. Local authorities in cities and towns should allocate resources not only for the construction of large supermarkets, but also create places where people can do business that is pleasant for them.
5. Write what you are grateful for
When you wake up, think about the things for which you are grateful, and really experience this feeling, because, feeling gratitude, we become happier.
Brain research shows that we always strive to focus on the negative things of life, such as fears, tragedies, failures, and discontent. Negative is our default state.
“Having negative thinking is a Stone Age error these days,” says Rick Hanson. That's why you need to focus on the good and it is especially important to highlight what we can be thankful for. There are various ways to do this. Here are some ideas.
When you wake up, mentally remind yourself of the three things for which you are grateful.
Some people prefer to write down three things and keep a list so that they can repeat them to themselves again and again.
Use Twitter or Facebook if you are inclined to something. It is helpful to remind your friends that this is actually an important job.
Thank on the phone your other half for caring or a colleague for coffee and help with the project.
Try helping out strangers a few hours a week.
But is there any scientific evidence that this actually works? Check out this link to see just a few of the many gratitude studies.
6. Practice mindfulness
What is mindfulness? You just concentrate and pay close attention at the moment and evaluate it with an open mind. Maintaining awareness has become a popular trend in psychology and medicine. This can increase mood, reduce stress and lead to an improvement in the quality of life if you do this regularly.
By focusing on the present, you can enjoy touch, smell and other physical sensations, as well as experience happy feelings. Focus on the joy they give. This is a good way to forget about troubles in the past and not think about the dangers in the future.
But can such actions really make us happy, and what does scientific evidence say about this? Watch the video where Harvard researcher Matt Killingsworth explains that we become happier when we remember and dream. He came to this conclusion after studying 15,000 people!
7. Do not forget about the benefits of sleep
When you do not get enough sleep, your negativity prevails. The researchers came to this conclusion after a series of experiments. One of them is especially interesting. Scientists have explored the hippocampus, the part of the brain that processes our positive thoughts. When we get enough sleep, this function malfunctions. And bad thoughts literally sink in our muscles.
To illustrate this, the researchers asked sleepy students to remember a list of words. Of the words contained in the list of words with a negative meaning, they recalled 81%, but positive or neutral - only 31%.
Dr. Robert Stickgold conducted similar experiments exploring sleep and memory. Now we know why sleepy people are always in a bad mood.
8. Devote some time to help others.
People buy big houses, cars and telephones, but that does not make them happier in the long run, although it gives a brief surge of happiness. The researchers found that when we spend a little time or money helping others, it has a significant effect on our own happiness.
9. Focus on life
“The heart goes where its head takes, and does not care about its legs,” says Dr. Daniel Gilbert.
We often dream of winning the lottery and what we would buy if this happened. We are even thinking about charity. But we never or rarely think about how much happier and carefree we will be. That is why it is so important to prioritize in order to live the life we want.
10. Focus on your strengths
Do you want to become open and courageous?
How do you use your strengths to improve the lives of yourself and others?
These are the key questions. People who develop their strengths are generally much happier. Realizing your natural potential, using your advantages, is one of the best ways to find happiness and help make the world a better place.
One of the quickest ways to shift your attention from negativity is to list the things in your life that you are thankful for. Keeping a daily gratitude journal, even digitally, can help you focus your thinking on the positives. Another strategy is to tell each other three things that you are grateful for every day, and thereby contribute to a positive outlook on life.
Two steps forward
Initially, it can be difficult to stop the negative flow of thoughts. This change takes time. Be patient with yourself and just try to consider your thought patterns first. See if you can notice that you condemn others, focus on failures, complain about work, or criticize yourself or your body. When you observe these thoughts, take a moment to counter each negative thought with two positive observations or thanks. Think of it as an action - two steps forward after one step back.
Ум и тело имеют внутреннюю связь и тесное взаимовлияние друг на друга. Если вы стремитесь, чтобы переместить свой ум к более позитивному взгляду на жизнь, попробуйте переместить ваше тело к тому же в первую очередь. Попробуйте встать прямо, плечи назад, подбородок выше… Почувствуйте свою силу и энергию. Почувствуйте положительную энергетику.
Another way for your body to “trick” your mind, to make it more positive through a smile. A simple smile, even if you do not necessarily feel something to smile, can change your inner state. If you are sitting at a table, driving in a car, or walking down the street, smile. You will be amazed at how your mind reacts. Better yet, try smiling at employees or passersby when walking down the hall or on the sidewalk. Won't they smile back?
If you put the crab in a bucket, it will easily come out. But if you put a second crab in a bucket, not one of them will run away. They will pull each other back into the bucket. In other words, surround yourself with positive people. It is difficult to maintain a positive outlook on life if you constantly feel the negative of friends, family or work colleagues. If you are trapped in a negative conversation, gracefully try to change the topic to something more positive. However, if you are surrounded only by negative people, it may take time to reconsider your social circle.
It’s easy to immerse yourself in your problems and forget about the people around us. The ability to go beyond your daily life to help someone else can fill you with positive, strengthen your positive outlook on life. Strive to do one good thing during the day for someone else. Call a relative or friend who needs a kind word, support a friend, help a colleague complete a task ...
Life is not always easy and pleasant, sometimes we get a dozen lemons as a gift from it. Nonetheless, it is our own perspective that ultimately determines whether we will go through life shriveled and sour, or quench our thirst with a glass of sweet lemonade.